As a successful gag cartoonist, I often submit cartoons to the New Yorker.
Unfortunately, I've never been accepted, even though the great Wiley Miller once told me that my work would fit that mag like a glove (he must have been referring to OJ's glove).
OK, so a few years ago, I bought a very informative and witty book on cartooning by New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff. I enjoyed it so much that instead of a submission, I sent him my copy of his book and asked that he sign it for me.
I wrote a very sincere letter which included all of the appropriate ass-kissing (sincere, of course). Needless to say, he never returned the damn book. I'm still waiting...